A lingering but

Edith woke up with a lingering pain in her but. It was the fourth day in a row she felt something on that spot. She had tried a few different tricks she learned from her mother that always worked miraculously when she was growing up.

At first, she thought it was a mosquito bite and just tried not to scratch it. The following day it seemed to be bigger with a noticeable hole in the middle and she did the obvious keep-it-clean plus Band-Aid. No luck. When she woke up once more to find it even worse and after spending the whole morning going through some drawers, she finally found and used the old MMM: mommy mystery medicine.

But with Edith’s luck, of course by the end of the day the one cheek of her but was twice the size of the healthy one and all around the now even larger hole, it was almost black. In a very desperate doctors visit she learned the infection was on the verge of giving her tetanus, but treatment would take only a week since it was caught early.

Now lying in bed, still half asleep and with a lingering but, she remembered the cause of the wound: she had sat on an old nail that fell from the wall onto the couch.


The phone quest

After a week at home waiting to be called for work, Edith woke up on a Friday afternoon. The phone was ringing but she couldn’t remember where it was, her memory would only take her as far as the living room. There was only one thing to do: run for it, except her clumsiness was always worse in those first hours of the “morning”. She burst out of bed, but before reaching the door her clothes exploded out of the closet on top of her. She had to swim her way out of it like trying to find the surface after being drowned by a big wave. Finally getting out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, it was like the appliances were laughing at her with their blinking lights: why were they all on? Wondering how the apartment didn’t burn down during the night, she quickly turned all of them off. The idea was running to the living room, but that carrot on the floor had other plans and made her fall down. She bumped her knee hard on the floor, but threw the carrot even harder on the wall. When she miraculously arrived in the living room, it was completely filthy and she could barely see the floor. This was no time to tidy up, so kicking stuff out of the way would have to be enough. The problem was that one of those pillows was actually her cat, who attacked her foot like a tiger. Still in pain but away from the cat, she heard the phone ringing underneath the couch cushion. Now the much desired phone was in her hands and when she was about to press the button and answer, a huge crow flew onto the window glass and in a slow motion dance the phone jumped out of her hand, landing on the floor. Gladly, she managed to answer and say a weak hello, but work was no longer possible. She said goodbye and went back to bed.

“The life of the animal is only a fragment of the total life of the universe”. Then what about suicide? A fragment of the universe would be destroying itself? No, not destroying; it couldn’t destroy itself even if it tried. It would be changing it’s mode of existence. Changing… Bits of animals and plants become human beings. What was one day a sheep’s hind leg and leaves of spinach was the next part of the hand that wrote, the brain that conceived the slow movement of the Jupiter Symphony. And another day had come when thirty-six years of pleasures, pains, hungers, loves, thoughts, music, together with infinite unrealized potentials of melody and harmony had manured an unknown corner of a Viennese cemetery, to be transformed into grass and dandelions, which in their turn had been transformed into sheep, whose legs had in their turn been transformed into other musicians, whose bodies in their turn…

– Point Counter Point, Aldous Huxley

We stand

“They kissed good bye.”

Pencil breaks.

“They kissed good bye. Life does that sometimes, you know. You love more than you think capable, but the end is near.”

Sips a chocolate liquor.

“Yes, the end is near. Near sometimes takes forever, sometimes not.”

Reflects on endings… doesn’t accept it has already come. Scratching head. Small sip. Re-reads.

“This time, near has already passed, faster than thought possible. In fact, near has come and gone so fast that it all just feels like a dream: it took forever while happening, but passed in the blink of an eye after gone. That’s how ending love feels. No matter when, it’s always like a lifetime or a second ago. But that’s love, you know?

Your heart gets broken. Yes, every single time. One way or the other, at least.”

Feels like another sip. Needs something else with it.

“It comes and goes as it pleases. Doesn’t respect time, age, color, religion or the like. It devastates. Like a tsunami. Heavy. Destructive. Beautiful. Unique. Every time unique. That’s difficult to understand.”

Turns on the heat. Sharpens pencil. Too much, it broke. Closes the curtains. No light can come in anymore, no judgment. Order of things was actually different.

Pours half of the last can of beer. Familiar smell, now with a whole new purpose. Looks at drinks… sighs. Sipping, we can do it.

“It can be destructive, alright. Something made to be so beautiful, with such dreadful characteristics. Something with such pure intentions and poor judgment. Something so…”

Has no clue of how to finish sentence. Sips are no longer counted.

“Gifts. People. Moments. All that is desired is… it doesn’t matter. Desire does not leave the imagination, anyway.

Desire of the new, exciting, refreshing, revitalizing. Desire leads you nowhere. If somewhere, to the doom.

Desire of happiness: the most dangerous of all! It affects your partner, children, parents, closest friends and most fierce enemies. Desire kills you.

Hope kills you.

But hope is something else entirely.

Talk about drugs!

What’s fashion takes you places. To the bad or to the good. What’s fashion saves you.

If you live your true self, must you succumb to desire, passion, hope… must you succumb to life itself. For life is no more than a dream, and a dream is no more than the possibility of life.”

Reflects upon things written.

“Tears rejoice, for tears rinse. Suffering evaporates, though a salt bond is formed forever. Tears hurt.

The breath is but an attempt to stand over what’s happened. Such doing is believed impossible, as time only progresses. Where do we stand, then?

We stand in he arms of a loved one, in the words of kindness, in the hope of a better future, in the vain words of a failed poet, in the hidden feelings of a successful figure, in the infinite spaces between the universes; we stand tall.

We stand after others have fallen around us, we stand on top of mountains conquered, we stand for what’s right, just; we stand for the possibility of error. We stand against hypocrisy, after all aren’t we all just products of our own nature? We stand for the right of being human, for the humanity of being us. We stand for ourselves, we stand for each other. We stand.

May the most harsh of winters and the most burning of summers, may the spring flourish what should stay and the autumn take what’s done – may them win against what’s human, but may humanity be it’s purest.

Shall we fall before what’s handed, may that be brave. Shall we die upon disease, may that be in our most perfect health. Shall the world beat us, may that be after we have beaten the world.”


Get the juices flowing
get the flowing juices
feel the breeze that kisses
lovely lips that seal

Feel the wind that
flowing through life
shakes the trees
though routed stand

Sense doesn’t make

Love doesn’t add

Half full, half empty
cups, doesn’t matter
nothing counts.
Everything counts!

Fuch the grammar
fuch the spelling
fuck the sick society.

Fuck the false premises
fuck the afterlife
fuck the asshole at the end of the rainbow

Life for those who fuck;
life fuck those who for
an empty nest return
a lovely lie…
not a lie;

Good bye


luminous animal

by Tony Moffeit

the question is: how do you
break free from your demons
the question is: how do you
howl alone the question is:
how do you live your own life
as you please the question
is: how do you free yourself
from the prison of your own
mind the question is: how do
you break down the walls of
this machine of your own
making the question is:
how do you break free and
there is only one answer:
to go deeper into the heart
of the wound to go deeper
into the heart of the blues
to go deeper into the pulse
of the shadows deeper into
the darkness deeper into
the blackness deeper into
the night

like a luminous animal you
shine like a luminous animal
you open the infinite doors
like a luminous animal you
dance alone like a luminous
animal the night fills all
your pores like a luminous
animal you glow from the
fire of the pulse in your
veins till there’s nothing
left in your blood but the
blaze like a luminous animal
you howl like a wolf down
by the tracks like a luminous
animal the only battle you
wage is the one with yourself
like a luminous animal all
you know is what you feel
inside like a luminous animal
you know the secret of
unlearning like a luminous
animal you shine

i want the day to cloud up
i want the leaves to blow
i crave the storm it is the
only calm i know the night
of gray day the darkness on
the edge of the nerves the
wildness of a dance of
letting go like a child
caught somewhere between
play and dream and reality
juggling stars or walking
the tightrope of the horizon
i want the leaves to blow i
want to laugh with them i
want to laugh as i surrender
to the wind i want to be
the calm in the center of
the storm i want to be the
first drops of rain licking
the roofs a warning that
thunder and lightning are
coming to play

you ask me my name my name
is haiti you ask me my name
my name is voodoo you ask me
my name my name is mojo you
ask me my name my name is
drumcloud you ask me my name
my name is raindance you ask
me my name my name is wolfhowl
you ask me my name my name is
snakeskin you ask me my name
my name is bluesmoan you ask
me my name my name is dream
juggler you ask me my name
my name is tightrope walker
you ask me my name my name is
mystery train you ask me my
name my name is jazzflame
you ask me my name my name
is ace of spades you ask me
my name my name is snake eyes
you ask me my name my name is
luminous animal


My fingers ached, waiting to trace the line of his small, neat ear and the blunt angle of his jaw. As he approached, I began to get even more nervous and wonder what would happen if I could touch him, imagine the sparks. I was able to play my every move in my head, but never to guess what his reaction would be. That was the thing about him: this mysterious aura around that big, mature strong man.

When I was about to drool, he came to me.

“A Mocha Late, please.”

Before I could even open my mouth, he gave me the money and moved to the other end of the counter to wait for his coffee. Something had happened, he wasn’t usually in such a bad mood. I just wish I know what it was, because for that man I would literally move mountains.

“A cookie and a cappuccino, please.”

By the time I finished the next client, he was gone. Just like that. In one second he came to my direction, the next he disappeared leaving just my hope that he would come the next morning.

My shift ended just like any other, I got my stuff and started to leave. I was hungry, tired and thinking about Mr. Mystery as I would in a normal day, but I felt something was different. I had a feeling that would be the day to change my life forever. Silly thoughts, of course. Those things only happened in movies and novels. But wouldn’t it be nice if –

Everything went black and I could only feel the cold street floor on my back.

“Are you ok?” said the angel’s voice. “I’m so sorry, I was distracted and didn’t see you coming. Are you hurt? I can drive you to a hospital if you need.”

I opened my eyes and was certain that was an angel.

“Don’t worry, it was just a car door.” She helped me up. “Besides, I was preety distracted too. I’m ok, really.”

“I just feel so terrible about it. Let me make it up to you somehow, please.”

“Oh, you don’t have to.” God, I need to spend more time with this angel!

“Where were you going, if you don’t mind me asking? Do you have any plans?”

“I was just going home, actually.”

“So I’m taking you out to lunch. I insist.”

She insists, there’s nothing I can do.

Lunch went great and I could just wonder what an angel’s business would be on earth. I always thought they had better things to do.

“Do you want to come in for coffee?” It was a long shot, but I had nothing to lose.

“I would love that” I was surprised.

Coffee went even better, although we never got to drink it. Now I knew she was just a rebel tired of heaven experimenting a little with humans. But I didn’t care, as long as she was with me.

I told her all about my earth, and she listened lovingly. She told me all about her heaven, and I payed close attention. No fear, no judgments. Just the two of us, and nothing else existed.

I can’t say we lost track of time, because it was no longer a known concept for us. We just felt like it was enough, and it was ok. We kissed goodbye and she left. Because past and future weren’t in our minds, we never bothered to exchange numbers or arrange to meet again. It was what it was, and we accepted it. As a matter of fact, we didn’t even think about all that at the time. And then, suddenly, she was gone. 

I went to work the next day as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. And that was exectly how it felt.

“This might seem a bit weird, but could I speak with you about something?” How could I had not noticed him coming? It didn’t matter, he wanted to speak with me about something.

“I have a break in ten minuts. Do you want the usual?”

“Sure, I’ll be waiting for you at the table.”

“A Mocha Latte coming right up.” I was smiling.

As I walked tword Mr. Mystery, my creative mind was stuck and it was impossible to imagine what he wanted. I went anyway.

“This may sound out of the blue and maybe even a little creepy because we never actually met officially – although we see each other every day, but maybe you don’t even notice me… ah… anyway, what I’m trying to say is sorry about yesterday, I was kind of in a bad place and ended up not treating you very nicely. I’m really sorry.”

No reaction.

“That’s right, we haven’t been properly introduced. I’m -“

Mr. Mystery, I thought.

“Don’t sweat it, I usually have a lot worse clients. And you are very polite all the other mornings, so no problem at all.”

“Oh, so you do remember me?”

“Kind of, yeah.” Awkward.

“Listen, I know this is all just crazy, but would you go out with me tonight?”

That came out of nowhere!

“Ah… Sure, I guess…”

“Great! So where should I pick you up?”

“We could just meet here later, is that ok?” to keep at least some of the mystery.

“It’s a date! I’ll see you at seven?”

“Yes, that’s fine.”

“Perfect. I have to go now, but see you tonight.”

And through the door he went. I still couldn’t process what had just happened, but needed to go back to work. And so I did.

It was a bit weird to be sitting down at my work place, but now as a client. I still couldn’t understand that unusual morning. Everything went down so fast, and now I wasn’t even sure what to feel.

He came in, big nervous smile on his face. “Shall we?”

I loved dinner and we had the most interesting conversations. Politics, Human Rights, movies, art, books, expectations, interior design, silly jokes. Could this be happening?

He took me home and was the perfect gentleman. Never crosses any lines, still showed interest, kept things slow so I wouldn’t be overwelmed. Was that what I wanted?

The next morning, he came in smiling more than ever and as he walked tward me I remembered all the passionate dreams I had with Mr. Mystery that night. I took my break without hesitating and sat at one of the empty tables. His smile was bigger now. He kissed me on the cheak, my body warmed up. He came closer, leaning in my direction. This was it.

My fingers ached, waiting to trace the line of his small, neat ear and the blunt angle of his jaw. As he approached, I began to get even more nervous and wonder what would happen if I touched him, imagine the sparks.

For a still unknown reason, I looked outside at that very moment. There she was, my angel. Without hesitating, I got up and went to her. She was just passing by, but her force pulled me. Now we were just passing by, together.